ABCs

The Grass is Always Greener . . .

Mom: "So since they can't have another baby, they're going to find a mom and dad who can't take care of their baby and adopt the baby. Then the new baby will be part of their family."

Talmage: "So the new baby has a new mom and dad? That's adopt?"

Mom: "Yes, that's what it means to adopt."

Talmage: "Mom, I want you to adopt me to someone else."

Mom: "You want a new mom?"

Talmage: "Yes, I want a new mom."

Mom: "But I still want to be your mom."

Talmage: "That's okay. You can still be Asher's mom. I want a new mom and dad."

Mom: "Whose mom and dad were you thinking?"

Talmage: "Maybe Jonah's mom and dad. They have a Wii. Or Bryson's mom and dad have a Wii and lots of games. And Bryson gets to play it all the time. They don't even have screen time. Or Jacob's mom and dad. They give him $2.00 every Sunday."

As Seen on TV

Due to my refusal to pay a cable bill and the digital revolution's inability to provide all it promised, we don't really watch TV all that often. You can only wait so many weeks for The Office to come on and only receive digital static before you give up on watching primetime all together. This has had two effects in our family: 1) Tyler and I watch all our TV on DVD, viewing entire seasons of shows in one go (counting down to the September 20 for season 2 of Modern Family), and 2) Talmage views his TV through titles checked out from the Salt Lake County Library system.

I laid down a blanket policy that he could check out any title from the library, which I envisioned would cover Curious George, Arthur, and Bill Nye the Science Guy. I was aware that this leniency might extend to Barney and Ruff Ruffman, unfortunate side effects that I was willing to swallow. However, Talmage promptly discovered Pokemon and dedicated his one video per library visit to watching the entire original Pokemon, Pokemon: Johto Journey, Pokemon Johto League Champions, Pokemon: Master Quest, and Pokemon: Advanced Battles series. This unfortunate side effect was tougher to stomach. Even more unfortunate is the fact that I can sing the theme song from every Pokemon manifestation.

Talmage has mostly grown out of his Pokemon obsession, largely because he now dedicates his screen time to video game playing. However, we've been on several trips recently, and Talmage has discovered the wonderful world of television where five-year-old boys are the target audience. And I don't know if you remember, but the commercials aimed at kids are VERY exciting. Especially for Talmage, the one five-year-old boy whose parents' sheltering TV ways have left him unfamiliar with Hasbro marketing. The camera angles! The sound effects! The colorful packaging! The WWF announcer! Talmage eats it up. There have been at least 10 things rotating on his September birthday wish list, ranging from an airplane mounted with a video camera to Barbie's play-doh palace. Fortunately, he typically forgets about all these things once the commercial ends.

However, last Saturday our digital box was receiving channel five, and Talmage saw his very first infomercial. The wallet made from aluminum is designed to replace your bulky wallet and fit right in your pants pocket. Talmage was transfixed, and promptly, he became a missionary for Aluma Wallet. "Dad, you really should get this," he admonished. "You can drive over it; it can even go through the washing machine, and it still works. Don't you think that's really great? It used to cost eleven dollars and ninety-nine cents, but now it only costs six dollars and ninety-nine cents."

I think we need to watch more television. We owe it to Talmage's consumer awareness.