Possibly, The Last Real Christmas Tree The Howes Will Ever Have

Who Would Believe Such Abuse and Neglect? And From Such An Attractive Family.

I've recently become aware that some of my students are reading this blog, a fact which makes me nervous on many levels, but I thought maybe I should give a better sample of the eye candy my husband truly is. Granted, the majority of the curlies are gone, but you'll notice I tricked him into keeping some of them.

There is a lot of drama in my relationship with my son Talmage. As much as I hated dating, I would almost prefer the drama between fifteen-year-old me and fifteen-year-old crush--does he like me, why won't he kiss me, now he likes me and I don't like him, blah, blah, blah. That was more fun. The current drama typically ends with me breaking down in ugly sobs and Talmage telling me to be happy. Although now that I think about it, I'm sure there were plenty of 15-year-old ugly sobs.

The funny thing of the situation is that Talmage has actually matured quite a bit in the last few months and is a polite, adorable toddler the majority of the time. He regularly asks me for permission to do things and when that permission is granted, he says "Oh, thank you." He was even sleep-talking last night and remembered to say please.

The drama exists surrounding bedtime. An entire HOUR'S worth of drama each time I put him to bed. The situation is vaguely reminiscent of a Greek tragedy complete with a chorus of wailing and warning in the background. My new plan of attack is to cut back on naptime; maybe he really is ready for a nap only every other day. I'll keep you posted.

As I've been pondering the current situation and analyzing how I've caused it (because I have no doubt the issue lies with me) I thought back to our sleep troubles this past summer. Up to that point, Talmage had been sleeping in a crib. I know, not many almost three year olds make it that long in a crib, but we had no reason to make the switch and there was the added bonus that Talmage was freaked out to climb out of the crib, so, if needed, we could toss him in there and call it good until morning.

I got pregnant last summer and decided it was time to move Talmage to the big boy room. I bought and finished furniture, installed his train table, framed pictures for the wall. It was (and is) adorable. Talmage was thrilled, too, and that excitement kept him sleeping in his room for exactly one week. Then Talmage realized that he could climb out of his bed. Not a big problem, because the consequence was just that he could go back to his crib.

Then he learned that he could climb out of his crib.

Big problem. But no worries; I had read plenty of books on the subject of jack-in-the-box babies and Dr. Marc Weissbluth in Healthy Sleep Habits Happy Child assured me that the Silent Return to Sleep was the way to go. The idea is that you put your child back in bed completly emotionless, giving them no positive or negative reinforcement. He even cited an example of a family who put their child to bed 157 times over a period of two hours. But, miraculously, the child didn't get up the next night.

I put Talmage to bed 623 times from 7:30-11:47.

At that point Tyler recommended pinning him in his crib, and I tell you what, nothing so mildly abusive has ever sounded better. Tyler placed movable fence pieces on top of the crib, tied them to the posts using a variety of Boy Scout knots, and we locked him in. He was asleep moments later. Talmage referred to it as his cage for several months.

And then we locked him in a closet filled with shards of glass and Draino.

p.s. Students and any other BYU faculty, that last sentence was a joke. Totally not true.

Kung Fu Fighting

Talmage helped do some filming for the first time in his life on this one. I'd say he is a natural. Then again, not every videographer has such an impressive subject to film.

As I Was Going Through Pictures From 2008 . . .

You might think this photo merely commemorates a happy moment on the beach. No, this is actually the sign I gave to my family that Tyler and I had decided to remain married despite the $50 I had just spent (that I had permission to spend) on the sundress and hat I am wearing. ON MY BIRTHDAY.



And this is the next day, when Tyler seriously questioned that decision to remain married considering the curls I had made him grow out. They're gone now. Sigh. They were just so soft and bouncy.

Discussing What to Wear to Daddy's School

Talmage: "No pants."
Mama: "Sorry, bud. We need to wear pants. Everyone at Daddy's school wears pants."
Talmage: "Everybody wear underwear at Daddy's school?"
Mama: "Yep. Everybody wears underwear."
Talmage: "Let's check."

Talmage: "Mom, I need to wear a hat."
Mama: "Sure. Do you want to wear your green hat?"
Talmage: "Yes. Everybody see me look cute."

He went to school with boxer briefs, pants, and a green hat. He looked VERY cute. We failed to check to see if everyone else was wearing underwear. I'm going to go ahead and assume yes.

**Note: I'm a little bit in trouble for bumping Tyler's video. Everyone look at that and comment so I can get out of the doghouse.

Monster Trucks

Zipline

This weekend's campout with the scouts turned out to be more fun than I anticipated.

Sharing Cups

Fraught and Faddish

Other possible titles included "Expecting and Elegant," "Teeming and Trendy," "Enciente and Exclusive," and "With Child and With It." And then there was the original title, "Shagged and Chic," but I thought my international audience might be offended.

I'm almost six months pregnant and hadn't bought any maternity clothes. Sure, I was pregnant before, but that was during the summer time, and the floral sundresses aren't cutting it. No maternity clothes severely limited my wardrobe, seeing as my belly is very maternal. And its all happened over the course of two or three weeks. I've watched my midsection expand hourly.

Which pretty much left me with the jeans that I bought to celebrate my postpartum "skinny" body, oversized sweatshirts, and Tyler's basketball shorts.

These items are just fine for walking Lu in the park, but I felt a little underdressed at the BYU Fall Faculty seminar next to the woman wearing black sequins in my jeans and sweatshirt. So I finally trekked to Motherhood Maternity for more professional clothes. I mean, it's hard enough to maintain a professional relationship when I'm only a few years older than the majority of my students, and I'm even younger than them in some cases. And, not to mention, I sit on the table when I teach. I needed the classy clothes.

The adventure began with a trip to Trolley Square. I talked big about how we were just going to one store, Talmage. And did I mention the electric train there? And the elevators? And Talmage, did you know there's a taffy shop in Trolley Square? And, as I would later find out, Motherhood Maternity closed two years ago at Trolley Square, so we will have to go to another store? And it will be on the other side of the valley?

Parenting: 0; Maddening Circumstances that Are Deathnails in Raising a Toddler: 1.

So we continued to The Fashion Place mall ("The" is essential when naming it, as I have learned from radio DJ Chunga's rants on 101.9 The End. It's like when your elders ask how things are at The BYU.). There is a Motherhood Maternity at The Fashion Place. There are also 2,698 kiosks that seem to have quadrupled both in number and aggressiveness since I last went shopping at The Fashion Place mall. I was accosted by cell phone vendors, spinny kaleidoscope sellers, and three generically foreign men racing helicopters and flippy remote controlled cars around their display. One man offered Talmage a chance to drive the car while the other guy tried to sell me the car. "Maybe Santa could bring it," he said. "Santa's a little poor this year," I said. "But your boy really seems to like it," he said. "I really like trips to Hawaii," I said, "but I've got a feeling Santa's not bringing me that, either." "I'll tell you what," he said. "Your boy likes it so much, I'll give it to you for thirty dollars." Without mentioning that I had no idea how much it originally cost, I said, "I'm really not going to buy it." "Fine," he said. "Then your child needs to stop playing with it so someone who is going to buy it can have a turn."

Talmage and I made it to the maternity store. I came prepared with the usual. Puzzles. Coloring books. Regular books. But, of course, none of these compared to the grumpy foreign men and their remote controlled cars outside who had just invited us not to play with their toys. I could have just left, but after I had spent a full two hours getting to this store, I was going to try on every last article of clothing in the store, SO HELP ME. I spent a little more than was planned and ended up with these three dresses, a variety of dressy to casual tops, and some brown dress pants:



Tyler and I spend a good deal of time talking about, worrying about, and obsessing over money, so I was a little worried to discuss the new wardrobe with him. "I spent a lot of money today," I told him. "How much?" he asked. I had been shooting for two hundred dollars and I was much closer to three, so I answered in a meek voice, "Three hundred dollars?"

"OH." he said. "I wasn't going to flip out unless it was over a thousand."

ONE THOUSAND DOLLARS? YOU MEAN THAT'S AN OPTION?!?! I've only been clothes shopping for myself two times in our six year marriage (and the other time was when I was pregnant before) so CLEARLY I have not been taking advantage of this opportunity.

Why I'm Still A Little Bit Five Years Old

It doesn't matter where I am in the house or what time of day it is, when I hear the garbage truck come, I still sprint to the window to watch my trash being dumped.

Satisfying.

A Lion Among Men

So, due to the full life and three courses I've taken a little break from reading. I guess what I'm really saying is that I've taken a break from having a break. Which I don't really like. So I was probably biased in favor of this book because I was excited enough about it that I pushed off being more responsible in order to read.

AND I still got all my grading done.

I was excited about this book because Maguire's earlier book Wicked makes it in the top five of my favorite books I've read in the last couple years. What else would be on that list? Gilead by Marilynne Robinson. Big Rock Candy Mountain by Wallace Stegner. To Kill a Mocking Bird by Harper Lee. These is My Words by Nancy Turner. But Wicked is one book I've been hesitant to recommend to people because there's plenty of material in it that I can see might be offensive. I didn't want to recommend it, because I wouldn't want anyone to feel they shouldn't be offended if they are. I think being offended is a valid reaction.

Anyway, A Lion Among Men is the third book in the Wicked Years, as Maguire has dubbed his series. One reason I love this series is because I am fascinated by the world that Maguire has created, complete with complex political and economic situations and fascinating creatures. I feel the same fascination with Tolkein's Lord of the Rings series. Maguire hasn't invented a new language, but still.

I haven't enjoyed the second or third installment of the series as much as I enjoyed Wicked. But I enjoyed this book enough. Each of the books is a philosophical study of some subject. Wicked is a study of evil; Son of a Witch is a study of identity. A Lion Among Men seems to be a study of fate. The Cowardly Lion is a character who, through his inaction and efforts to just go with the flow, is slighted at every turn and feels a victim of life's circumstances. It isn't until he decides (at the end of the book) to really begin acting--to stop waiting for people to love and accept him and to instead love and accept others--that the narrative hints at a change.

Maguire begins his book quoting Goethe (or at least a quotation attributed to Goethe):

The moment one definitely commits oneself, then Providence moves as well. All sorts of things occur to help on that would never otherwise have occured. A stream of events issues from the decision, raising in one's favor all manner of unforeseen accidents, meetings and material assistance that no one could have dreamed would come their way. Whatever you can do or dream you can do, begin it. Boldness has genius, power and magic in it. Begin it now.

I've heard this quote before and I've thought about this theme a lot in my life, so the thesis of the book wasn't life-changing, but I enjoyed hearing it from Maguire's point of view. Maybe that's why I enjoyed Wicked more than this; Maguire gave me more to consider in Wicked than I had considered before. Perhaps that's why I enjoy some books more than others. Hmmm . . . something to think about.

Where I Was When

C. 1984: The Paulsen family brought home the Apple II, our first home computer. This was important because I could then play killer games like Lemonade Stand and Lode Runner most of my childhood, enabling me to be part of the generation that can multitask and figure out Microsoft Excel with no prior instruction.

January 28, 1986: I was in Mrs. Bush's first grade class. We had studied about how we were the space generation and I set a goal that lasted at least 24 hours to be an astronaut. The television was rolled in on its rickety cart and 30 six-year-olds watched as the shuttle magically rose from the ground and we waited for the rocket to fall off the shuttle, as Mrs. Bush assured us would happen. But the rocket didn't fall off. And the shuttle stopped rising. It fell into a big cloud of smoke and Mrs. Bush shut off the TV, informing us with tears in her eyes that we were moving on to more mundane educational tasks.

November 9, 1989: Mrs. Harward's fifth grade class. Again, a rickety TV stand--probably the same one from first grade--was wheeled in. Mrs. Harward attempted in 15 minutes to summarize the Cold War and the civic importance of the Berlin Wall falling down. We watched it for at least an hour, and I remember thinking that everything seemed dark and noisy and dirty.

C. 1994: Teachers in junior high were excited about the Information Super Highway and that you could read a book located in France for your research in Utah. Can you even imagine the research possibilities? (Now I just ban the internet from my student's academic research. So much for the research dream.) But the World Wide Web really became exciting when I opened my first email account, shelleyfanclub@hotmail.com. In honor of my best friend Shelley, OF COURSE. That night I wandered into a chat room for the first and last time. I spent three hours talking to someone in Australia. That was also my first introduction to the incredible time sucker the Internet can be.

October 3, 1995: This time the TV was mounted in the classroom. I was in Mr. Stokoe's history class my sophomore year of high school, and we stopped education to watch O.J. Simpson's acquittal. The boys were very vocal and had apparently strong opinions on the case, but I just wondered why this was so important.

September 11, 2001. I was on my mission. We had just come home for lunch and I answered the phone when Elder Yazzi, the District Leader's companion called me. He told me to sit down. He told me that the Twin Towers were gone, that the White House was gone, that the Pentagon was gone and that 2 million Americans were dead. Maybe more alarming and indicative of the removed-from-the-world and a little bit fanatical state you get in on your mission, it wasn't until Elder Yazzi told me that missionary work was on hold that I really started to grasp the magnitude of the situation. I had been tracting in negative forty degree weather, for heaven's sake. Nothing stopped missionary work. My companion and I spent the rest of the day in our apartment, looking up scriptures about the Apocalypse.

November 4, 2008. I was teaching Tuesday night, and my stalwart students were a little distracted. One of my students gave us an update every twenty minutes on which presidential candidate had won which state, and at the end of the evening (near 10:00) three students received the text "Obama won." I was exhausted when I got home, but Tyler and I watched the news together for another hour.

While I didn't vote for Barrack Obama (I didn't really like McCain, but Obama's health care plan kind of freaks me out) I am overwhelmed at what a historic juncture this is. In my Writing and Rhetoric class we watch Martin Luther King's "I Have a Dream" speech and I am always amazed at how recent the civil rights movement was. I am proud and a little amazed that the American populace was ready to judge someone "not on the color of their skin, but on the content of their character."

Happy Holidays to You and Yours

This morning Talmage and I got up, found all our snow gear, went for a wintery walk, made snow angels and the beginnings of a snowman, warmed up with hot chocolate (or freezing cold chocolate in Talmage's case--he likes freezing cold things) and did a puzzle. And then we listened to Abba. Cause nothing says welcome to the new season like Dancing Queen.

All in all it's been a pretty good day to be a mother.

Brown Bear, Brown Bear