Destruction of Our Backyard

Indiana Jones

Talmage came to me one day panicked that a boy was missing in the jungle behind our house. That sparked this rescue mission.

Leaf Blower

A Phone Conversation Between At Work Me and At Home Tyler

Me: "Hi! How are you?"

Tyler: "I'm great. Hey, out of curiosity, how much does Asher weigh?"

Me: "About 24, 25 pounds."

Tyler: "Huh. Well, how much Tylenol would you give him?"

Me: "I wouldn't give him any unless he was in pain. Was he in pain?"

Tyler: "Uh, he may have fallen off the table outside and hit his head on the concrete."

Me: "He WHAT?"

Tyler: "Don't worry. I'm sure he's fine. I'm pretty sure I didn't give him too much medicine."

Me: "Well, did he seem okay?"

Tyler: "Sure. He fell asleep right after."

Me: "He WHAT?!!"

Asher's Tricks

Just Three Days Later . . .

During the last twenty minutes of church, I went down to the primary room to help Talmage deliver a talk we had prepared. We wrote out his talk in picture form, so he could say a lot of it himself. However, I stood next to him ready to help if needed. He didn’t use me much, but I was glad I was there to make one important correction.

Tal’s talk was written: “When Mom and Dad decided to get married, they were excited and a little scared. Mom told Dad, ‘You’re my family.’ Dad felt really happy. That’s because the Holy Ghost was telling them that starting a family was a good thing to do. Three years later, my mom told my dad she had a baby in her tummy. When I came out, they were very happy.”

Tal actually said: “When Mom and Dad got married, they were excited and a little nervous. Mom and Dad made a family. Dad felt really happy. Three days later, my mom had a baby—it was me!”

I blushed and quickly corrected for the audience that it was actually three years later, and we did not have a shotgun wedding. The adults laughed hysterically, the kids (including Talmage) began laughing just because the adults were. It took a bit to get everyone settled down and to get Talmage back on track.

Darn kids!

Coyote Gulch

On The Down Low

Mosiah 12:1

". . .Abinadi came among them in disguise, that they knew him not, and began to prophesy among them, saying: Thus has the Lord commanded me, saying—Abinadi, go and prophesy unto this my people. . ."

Not even one sentence and Abinadi had already wasted all the time he spent that morning working on his disguise!

But First We've Got to Swing By and Pick Up Chewbacca. He's in Roosevelt.

Before Asher was born, Tal's life was full of entertainment. Entertainment I provided. We went everywhere together--the zoo, the Children's Museum, the Planetarium--and did everything together--art projects, lunch, games. Tal's mind was booked solid, with a quick trip to see the elephants at 9:00 before we took Daddy lunch at 11:15. All before a 1:00 nap, of course.

When Asher came, Tal had to do a lot more of the entertaining. And I tell you what--he has blossomed without the stifling mental influence of the Laura Show. He now often gets lost in the world of his imagination and will randomly (without any context telling me what this means) ask me, "Mom, do you want 738 attacks or 427?"

To which I will confidently answer, "427."

Lately Tal has taken to combining all the many stories that bop around in his brain. For example, I am Leia. Talmage is Luke.* Except when I am Alfred as a sidekick to his Batman.** Most often we're stuck inside the belly of a whale.*** Sometimes we're going on a mission.**** Other times we're trying to kill Dark Vader.***** We accomplish these lofty endeavors through a variety of means. Sometimes we acquire attacks; for example, we could go to the store and buy a fast attack, a lazor beam attack, x-ray vision attack, or, my most favorite, obedience attack.****** Other times we can collect coins and 1-Ups.******* We need 1,000 of each.******* If we get caught in a battle, we loose all our coins.******** But don't worry, Han is in Washington with the Millenium Falcon.********** He can bring us more coins.

Frankly, a four-year-old boy imagination isn't that interesting to an almost 30-year-old girl. Don't tell Talmage, but I don't really want to kill Dark Vader. I'd rather read a book. All this has me longing for the Laura Show again. Do you want to go the zoo, Tal? What about an awesome painting? No? All right. How much were those Tiger Leg Attacks again?

*Star Wars--a show whose main attraction is that one of Talmage's best friends named Brady is obsessed with it. I had to cave and show it to him just so he and Brady could speak the same language.
**Batman--a show which Talmage has never seen, but from which he owns several accessories. Tyler let me know this morning that Tal learned about Alfred from him. See, Tyler was relaxing on the front porch when Talmage walked up and said with great alarm, "Dad, we need to go save the little boy lost in the forest!!" Tyler let him know that as Alfred, he mostly hung out in the batcave located conveniently right where he was sitting. "But go ahead, Batman. You and I can communicate through receivers. I'll stay here and hold down the fort."
***Yes, this is the biblical whale. You'd think this is from Veggie Tales, but its more from the song "Follow the Prophet." Tal doesn't know the words, but he comes in strong on the chorus. And by strong, I mean loud and forceful.
****I thought this was a mission like the kids in Little Einstein's go on a mission. But Alfred and Batman have to be 19 to go. And then I thought how much more fun LDS missions would be if you could kill Dark Vader instead of convert the masses. Somehow I think light sabers would add to the Church's appeal.
*****Yes, I know Darth Vader's name is actually DARTH Vader. Talmage doesn't.
******I'm pretty sure this is a cursed Pokemon reference. CURSED POKEMON.
*******Nintendo? I'm not sure, because I'm usually tutoring my nephew when Tal gets his video gaming in.
********Talmage's favorite card game is Mille Bournes. You have to get 1,000 points in that game, too.
*********I'm pretty sure the battle comes from Pokemon. CURSED POKEMON.
**********Star Wars, again. Washington is where his cousins live. We talk about Washington a lot.