Who Would Believe Such Abuse and Neglect? And From Such An Attractive Family.

I've recently become aware that some of my students are reading this blog, a fact which makes me nervous on many levels, but I thought maybe I should give a better sample of the eye candy my husband truly is. Granted, the majority of the curlies are gone, but you'll notice I tricked him into keeping some of them.

There is a lot of drama in my relationship with my son Talmage. As much as I hated dating, I would almost prefer the drama between fifteen-year-old me and fifteen-year-old crush--does he like me, why won't he kiss me, now he likes me and I don't like him, blah, blah, blah. That was more fun. The current drama typically ends with me breaking down in ugly sobs and Talmage telling me to be happy. Although now that I think about it, I'm sure there were plenty of 15-year-old ugly sobs.

The funny thing of the situation is that Talmage has actually matured quite a bit in the last few months and is a polite, adorable toddler the majority of the time. He regularly asks me for permission to do things and when that permission is granted, he says "Oh, thank you." He was even sleep-talking last night and remembered to say please.

The drama exists surrounding bedtime. An entire HOUR'S worth of drama each time I put him to bed. The situation is vaguely reminiscent of a Greek tragedy complete with a chorus of wailing and warning in the background. My new plan of attack is to cut back on naptime; maybe he really is ready for a nap only every other day. I'll keep you posted.

As I've been pondering the current situation and analyzing how I've caused it (because I have no doubt the issue lies with me) I thought back to our sleep troubles this past summer. Up to that point, Talmage had been sleeping in a crib. I know, not many almost three year olds make it that long in a crib, but we had no reason to make the switch and there was the added bonus that Talmage was freaked out to climb out of the crib, so, if needed, we could toss him in there and call it good until morning.

I got pregnant last summer and decided it was time to move Talmage to the big boy room. I bought and finished furniture, installed his train table, framed pictures for the wall. It was (and is) adorable. Talmage was thrilled, too, and that excitement kept him sleeping in his room for exactly one week. Then Talmage realized that he could climb out of his bed. Not a big problem, because the consequence was just that he could go back to his crib.

Then he learned that he could climb out of his crib.

Big problem. But no worries; I had read plenty of books on the subject of jack-in-the-box babies and Dr. Marc Weissbluth in Healthy Sleep Habits Happy Child assured me that the Silent Return to Sleep was the way to go. The idea is that you put your child back in bed completly emotionless, giving them no positive or negative reinforcement. He even cited an example of a family who put their child to bed 157 times over a period of two hours. But, miraculously, the child didn't get up the next night.

I put Talmage to bed 623 times from 7:30-11:47.

At that point Tyler recommended pinning him in his crib, and I tell you what, nothing so mildly abusive has ever sounded better. Tyler placed movable fence pieces on top of the crib, tied them to the posts using a variety of Boy Scout knots, and we locked him in. He was asleep moments later. Talmage referred to it as his cage for several months.

And then we locked him in a closet filled with shards of glass and Draino.

p.s. Students and any other BYU faculty, that last sentence was a joke. Totally not true.