Tyler Howe: The Ultimate Kissing He-Man

So, a couple of comments on the below video.

I've mentioned that Talmage's favorite cartoon character is the Little Mermaid. He loves the color pink. And really, what's the harm in letting him rent Care Bears from the library (besides the fines because I can't get videos back on time for the life of me)? Girls' videos are much less violent than boys' videos (can you really learn violence from the ultimate embrace of love, the Care Bear Stare?) and while I know my boy's going to become obsessed with Mighty Morphin Power Rangers someday (a day I already look forward to with deep fear and anxiety), the kid is two years old. Can't he be my sensitive, pink-loving, Care-Bear snuggling baby for a little longer?

For Tyler, the clear answer to that question is "NO." So, behind my back, mind you, Tyler went to the library and convinced Talmage to check out He-man (and I'm told it took some serious convincing). Because really, what's more masculine than the words "he" and "man" put together? And what's more tough than a ripply muscled advertisement for the Aryan race whose lips move about as if independent from the rest of his body? And can you even imagine the intuition it took for his fabulous secret powers to be revealed to him the day he held aloft his magic sword and said, "By the power of Grayskull, I. Have. The. POWER?" I mean, how many word combinations do you think he had to try before he stumbled on that exact phrasing and the fabulous powers were revealed? Two? Ten? Ten thousand? I don't know about you, but I'm betting low.

Tyler and I have spent much of the last several weeks watching every second of the Olympics, from Michael Phelps and his abs to the women's trampoline finals. This is fitting, because I am married to the Olympics' biggest fan, A. Tyler Howe. You might think your spouse and/or significant other is a pretty big fan, and I don't doubt it. BUT, did that person hang an Olympics flag on the front of your house a full two weeks in advance in preparation? I didn't think so.

On a related note, I've decided that women's beach volleyball is really going to be my thing. Look for me and my lean muscle mass in London, 2012.

After a full week of the swimming semi-finals, Tyler and I decided that we needed to make our time more productive and began Operation Throw Out All the Papers That Laura Has Been Accumulating Since 1983. Among the things that went by the wayside (mom stop reading here)? High school love letters, my position on the BYU Fine Arts and Communications Dean's List, and the real tragedy--a picture of my family that I drew in 1986. I showed it to Tyler and he said, "Cute. Now throw it away."

Tyler had some papers to rifle through as well, and I think the real gem of the evening is this photo we found published in the church news:



This is none other than 17 year old Tyler with What's Up Girl From Taylorsville, otherwise known as Tyler's first kiss. Inspired by this fabulous photo of Tyler and the Taylorsville chick reading their scriptures, I feel it important to document Tyler's kissing education, a many year study that brought him to the position he holds today (and you're just going to have to trust me on this): The Best Kisser In the Universe. You might even call him a MASTER of the Universe.

Kissing 101: What's Up Girl From Taylorsville. Subtitled, Tyler's First Kiss--Or Was It? Cara Newbold was a girl Tyler met through one of his uncles (I think it was Curtis) who set them up. Tyler was a slow-mover (just how slow, I don't think even Tyler knew at that point) so I believe they had hung out for quite a while when Cara's friend goaded Tyler into kissing her at the doorstep. Tyler took that as a good sign--the fact that Cara's friends were trying to hit him over the head to get him to make a move--so he approached that doorstep with confidence. So much confidence that he turned Cara toward him, closed his eyes seductively, and planted a kiss squarely between her left nostril and the corner of her mouth. Tyler noted that you should probably keep your eyes open on the way in. Lesson learned. Unfortunately, Tyler couldn't work up the courage to kiss her a second time before they broke up, and he had to save that valuable knowledge for later use.

Kissing 102: Dave Taylor. No, he did not kiss his cousin Dave Taylor. But, Dave was considerably more experienced than Tyler in the kissing department, and it occurred to Tyler that if he did indeed keep his eyes open for a kiss sometime in the future, he wasn't really sure what to do when he got there. Step in more experienced Dave who kindly showed him that his hand was a whole lot like a girl's lips, and if he could tenderly work his way around the knuckle at the base of his thumb, he'd have no problem on an actual girl. Whew! Knowledge that saved him when it came to

Kissing 201: Melissa Smith. Melissa was an adorable girl who Tyler and I both knew in high school. Tyler took Melissa to senior prom and was able to smoothly twirl that girl around the dance floor due to the fact that she barely tipped the scale at 100 lbs. This of course was a problem when Tyler and I began dating, me being of a staturesque Viking heritage and not the slight young thing Tyler was used to dancing with. When a country dance came on at BYU's Preference and Tyler was unable to spin me over his head, he mused, "Funny; this always worked with Melissa." All that dancing prepped nicely for the romantic end to the date. Tyler kept his eyes open and landed directly on Melissa's lips.

The second kiss was even better when after three more months of dating seriously, Tyler was able to kiss her sometime in September.

Kissing 202: Laura Paulsen. Due to a series of complicated events, Tyler and I snuggled before his mission but never kissed. Nearly three years later when I returned home from my mission, Tyler and I picked up where we had left off (with an amazingly short transition period from Laura. I was totally normal. This is my story and I'm sticking with it). The night of my homecoming--after a bit of couch cuddling--I walked Tyler to the door and he looked at me seriously, reproached me for the itty-bitty crazy transition of Laura freaking out a teensy-weensy bit, and kissed me square on the lips.

Kissing 560: This one was all me. The next night was New Year's Eve. I grabbed Tyler and taught him the ways of the world. He was a quick study. It's a good thing I took matters into my own hands or it could have been another several months. And we were engaged six weeks later.