And I Didn't Even Mention the Soap Operas

While I'm not going to claim that motherhood is out and out glamorous (too many rancid smells accompany it for that), motherhood isn't nearly as depressing as daytime TV would have you believe.

I set a goal this past New Years not to descend into the depths of television, and I'll have you know, The Office not withstanding, I've kept that goal. But recently I've been trying to organize my life so that my cupboards look something like sister-in-law Barbara's (or Sarah's; I'm sure they're similar), and so I've had the TV on while categorizing craft supplies. And here is a list of shows geared toward YOU, Miss Stay-at-home Mom. You are the target audience for the following messages:

1. In as little as 7 months of massage school, you could be working in the massage industry making an excellent income and doing something you can be proud of!

2. Screaming Deals at Macey's Grocery Store.

3. Body parts that age you: earlobes, cankles, hands.

4. Depression hurts, but you don't have to.

5. Kathie Lee's homemade word: groud.

6. Research has shown their is a link between tension, stress, and belly fat.

7. Women who beat their men.

But I'll tell you one media event aimed at housewives that I fall for EVERY SINGLE TIME. The makeover. You take a random woman off the street, stick her in some spanks and give her some highlights and I'm glued to the TV. "YES," I want to cry out. "That eyelash curler really does wake up her whole face!" And I'm a believer. Only instead of faith in the loaves and the fishes, I trust in the miracle that a good bra really does do wonders for a woman's frame.

Which brings me to my point. I would like a head-to-toe makeover. I'm trying to figure out how to get myself one. But the thing is, I haven't lost 100 lbs, I haven't been stuck in the same look since the 70s, I don't cling to blue eyeshadow, and my jeans don't have pleats in them. I'm not good makeover material. So as I see it, the only thing I can do is get good and frumpy, wearing pjs to the grocery store whenever I can swing it. This shouldn't be too hard since I do this 50% of the time anyway. But maybe I can stop showering every day and skip the deodorant. Just on the off chance Oprah's at Smith's ready to ambush.

I think it's totally worth it.