Where's Laura?

Just wanted to remind my beautiful wife that she is always invited to participate in this forum.

Bicycle

Rocky Mountain High

Ragnar Relay

Destruction of Our Backyard

Indiana Jones

Talmage came to me one day panicked that a boy was missing in the jungle behind our house. That sparked this rescue mission.

Leaf Blower

A Phone Conversation Between At Work Me and At Home Tyler

Me: "Hi! How are you?"

Tyler: "I'm great. Hey, out of curiosity, how much does Asher weigh?"

Me: "About 24, 25 pounds."

Tyler: "Huh. Well, how much Tylenol would you give him?"

Me: "I wouldn't give him any unless he was in pain. Was he in pain?"

Tyler: "Uh, he may have fallen off the table outside and hit his head on the concrete."

Me: "He WHAT?"

Tyler: "Don't worry. I'm sure he's fine. I'm pretty sure I didn't give him too much medicine."

Me: "Well, did he seem okay?"

Tyler: "Sure. He fell asleep right after."

Me: "He WHAT?!!"

Asher's Tricks

Just Three Days Later . . .

During the last twenty minutes of church, I went down to the primary room to help Talmage deliver a talk we had prepared. We wrote out his talk in picture form, so he could say a lot of it himself. However, I stood next to him ready to help if needed. He didn’t use me much, but I was glad I was there to make one important correction.

Tal’s talk was written: “When Mom and Dad decided to get married, they were excited and a little scared. Mom told Dad, ‘You’re my family.’ Dad felt really happy. That’s because the Holy Ghost was telling them that starting a family was a good thing to do. Three years later, my mom told my dad she had a baby in her tummy. When I came out, they were very happy.”

Tal actually said: “When Mom and Dad got married, they were excited and a little nervous. Mom and Dad made a family. Dad felt really happy. Three days later, my mom had a baby—it was me!”

I blushed and quickly corrected for the audience that it was actually three years later, and we did not have a shotgun wedding. The adults laughed hysterically, the kids (including Talmage) began laughing just because the adults were. It took a bit to get everyone settled down and to get Talmage back on track.

Darn kids!

Coyote Gulch

On The Down Low

Mosiah 12:1

". . .Abinadi came among them in disguise, that they knew him not, and began to prophesy among them, saying: Thus has the Lord commanded me, saying—Abinadi, go and prophesy unto this my people. . ."

Not even one sentence and Abinadi had already wasted all the time he spent that morning working on his disguise!

But First We've Got to Swing By and Pick Up Chewbacca. He's in Roosevelt.

Before Asher was born, Tal's life was full of entertainment. Entertainment I provided. We went everywhere together--the zoo, the Children's Museum, the Planetarium--and did everything together--art projects, lunch, games. Tal's mind was booked solid, with a quick trip to see the elephants at 9:00 before we took Daddy lunch at 11:15. All before a 1:00 nap, of course.

When Asher came, Tal had to do a lot more of the entertaining. And I tell you what--he has blossomed without the stifling mental influence of the Laura Show. He now often gets lost in the world of his imagination and will randomly (without any context telling me what this means) ask me, "Mom, do you want 738 attacks or 427?"

To which I will confidently answer, "427."

Lately Tal has taken to combining all the many stories that bop around in his brain. For example, I am Leia. Talmage is Luke.* Except when I am Alfred as a sidekick to his Batman.** Most often we're stuck inside the belly of a whale.*** Sometimes we're going on a mission.**** Other times we're trying to kill Dark Vader.***** We accomplish these lofty endeavors through a variety of means. Sometimes we acquire attacks; for example, we could go to the store and buy a fast attack, a lazor beam attack, x-ray vision attack, or, my most favorite, obedience attack.****** Other times we can collect coins and 1-Ups.******* We need 1,000 of each.******* If we get caught in a battle, we loose all our coins.******** But don't worry, Han is in Washington with the Millenium Falcon.********** He can bring us more coins.

Frankly, a four-year-old boy imagination isn't that interesting to an almost 30-year-old girl. Don't tell Talmage, but I don't really want to kill Dark Vader. I'd rather read a book. All this has me longing for the Laura Show again. Do you want to go the zoo, Tal? What about an awesome painting? No? All right. How much were those Tiger Leg Attacks again?

*Star Wars--a show whose main attraction is that one of Talmage's best friends named Brady is obsessed with it. I had to cave and show it to him just so he and Brady could speak the same language.
**Batman--a show which Talmage has never seen, but from which he owns several accessories. Tyler let me know this morning that Tal learned about Alfred from him. See, Tyler was relaxing on the front porch when Talmage walked up and said with great alarm, "Dad, we need to go save the little boy lost in the forest!!" Tyler let him know that as Alfred, he mostly hung out in the batcave located conveniently right where he was sitting. "But go ahead, Batman. You and I can communicate through receivers. I'll stay here and hold down the fort."
***Yes, this is the biblical whale. You'd think this is from Veggie Tales, but its more from the song "Follow the Prophet." Tal doesn't know the words, but he comes in strong on the chorus. And by strong, I mean loud and forceful.
****I thought this was a mission like the kids in Little Einstein's go on a mission. But Alfred and Batman have to be 19 to go. And then I thought how much more fun LDS missions would be if you could kill Dark Vader instead of convert the masses. Somehow I think light sabers would add to the Church's appeal.
*****Yes, I know Darth Vader's name is actually DARTH Vader. Talmage doesn't.
******I'm pretty sure this is a cursed Pokemon reference. CURSED POKEMON.
*******Nintendo? I'm not sure, because I'm usually tutoring my nephew when Tal gets his video gaming in.
********Talmage's favorite card game is Mille Bournes. You have to get 1,000 points in that game, too.
*********I'm pretty sure the battle comes from Pokemon. CURSED POKEMON.
**********Star Wars, again. Washington is where his cousins live. We talk about Washington a lot.

Completing His First Year of Preschool

A Recent Conversation on Gender Differences

Talmage: "Pink was my favorite color, except I don't like it anymore. Pink's a GIRL color."

Mom: "Oh yeah? What's your favorite color now?"

Talmage: "Purple."

Is It Just Me? Or Has Tom Selleck Quit His Day Job to Work as LA Police Chief Charlie Beck?

Hide and Seek . . . With Asher

Asherese (ash-er-eez): A One Year Old's Lexicon

Asher can say roughly 18 words:

1. Uh-Oh
2. Dad
3. Cup
4. Button
5. Poop
6. Spoon
7. Book
8. Mmm
9. Moo
10. Quack
11. Woof
12. Roar
13. Kiss
14. Cracker
15. Keys
16. Dance
17. Up

And sometimes, but very rarely

18. Mom

However, these translate into about 5 sounds. For example, "bup" could mean one of several things. "Bup" translates as "cup," "button," or "up" and is not to be confused with "Boop" which could mean at any given time "spoon," "poop," or "book." "Ma," could mean, "I want food" or "The cow says," but means "Mom" so seldomly you can pretty much rule that option out. A guttural "Kkk" is either "cracker" or "keys" and sometimes "quack" meaning duck or any animal or object that moves around.

"Dad" always means Dad. And we've learned that Asher thinks about Dad roughly 83% of the day. It's kind of adorable.

Navigating the English language has proven difficult for both Asher and I. So Asher has resorted to the extremes of human emotion in order to communicate. Here's an actual transcription of a conversation we had earlier in the week. Keep in mind that I can't type in the full symphonic range of his joy and alternate misery (at least not at the decible he voices it), so I'm electing to translate his responses into grown-up language:

Mom: "Asher would you like a grape?"

Asher: "I would very much like that grape! That grape would make me very happy! In fact, I can imagine very few pleasures available in life that would make me happier than that grape! Maybe if we could nurse again--I think I'd like that too--but outside of that, I think a grape would be perfection! So I'm going to express my joy and happiness by my squeals of pleasure and delight. Did you hear that? That adorable laughter? That is my excitement for the grape I am about to receive!"

Mom: "How about a strawberry?"

Asher: "Are you kidding me? A strawberry? What in your prior experience would tell you I like strawberries? Maybe the strawberries I devoured earlier this morning? Well that is OLD NEWS, my friend. This is now and I strongly oppose strawberries. You know how some people feel about child labor and apartheid? Well, THAT is exactly how I feel about strawberries. I frown on you and your strawberry offering ways. Let me arch my back and head butt you to communicate how much that strawberry offends me and my morals. What, you think Nelson Mandela was above a little head butt? Well he would have done, ma'am, if you had offered him such an insolent fruit. In fact, while I think about it, your nose DOESN'T look distinguished, it's just bumpy. So there."

We're both looking forward a more communicative time.

Books, the audio version

I found a solution to my reading issues. Books on tape. Or CD. Or MP3 files, rather. See, then I can listen while I scrub the floors or drive to work or fold laundry. Genius.

I looked online for great books on tape and this book was suggested. I had heard this touted as cross between Harry Potter and Jane Austen and had long wanted to read it. I think because it was the first audiobook I had listened to I had many questions at the beginning (Who is this Childermass guy? And where did that other guy come from?) but by the end I was well practiced.

Book reviews seem to critique it for being a little slow to start off, but by the end--after I had spent 32 some odd hours with the story--I felt sad to hear it end. It really is an incredible novel and alternative history. I ended up checking the book out and reading a page here, a passage there. It just kept getting better and better.

I feel there's so much to be said, but instead I'm going to end with this quote, which I found the funniest in the novel:

"The light was watery, dim and incomparably sad. Vast, grey, gloomy hills rose up all around them and in between the hills there was a wide expanse of black bog. Stephen had never seen a landscape so calculated to reduce the onlooker to utter despair in an instant.

'This is one of your kingdoms, I suppose, sir?' he said.

'My kingdoms?' exclaimed the gentleman in surprise. 'Oh, no! This is Scotland!'"

I have a feeling it would be even more funny if I were English.



My Dad gave this book to all his children several years ago for Christmas, and though I started it, I just couldn't push my way through. Not that it wasn't interesting. It was just non-fiction.

Tyler, however, read the book recently and refers to it in 87% of his conversation. He is the ideal audience for this book since he currently spends 90% of his work time in crucial conversations--times when tension is high and emotions run strong. I figured to understand what he was saying I needed to read the book.

It was actually a great read and I enjoyed it and have tried to apply the principles. In fact, after I was done with book, I approached Tyler and we had several conversations we've avoided in our marriage for several years--my housekeeping and Tyler's driving. Not bad, eh?

My chief thought, however, was that while these would be good principles to apply at any time in my life, I think I'm more apt to right now. I think I focus more on self-improvement while I'm raising such impressionable little children. I want them to learn good principles for dealing with people, so I feel a greater obligation to be better myself.



I loved the previous books in the series. This one was all right. I don't think that's actually a reflection on the book itself, I think it's more that I was IN the Fablehaven world last summer and needed that fantastical immersion to truly appreciate the series finale. That said, it was a lot of fun.

One other thought. I was CERTAIN that a plot/character twist I had been anticipating since Book Two would happen, and it didn't happen. It was like if Snape had really turned out to be the bad guy. Now, I know enough about character and plot development to know that there's no way he didn't plant plot twist seeds along the way. So I'd love to talk to him and find out why he didn't follow through with it. Was he intentionally trying to throw off the reader? Was he developing the idea that you don't know who to trust? C'mon Brandon Mull. I need some explanation.



This book wasn't what I thought it was going to be. I knew it had been made into a film with Keira Knightley, and I was expecting a saucy romance. But it wasn't. (Note, I'm probably going to spoil it if you haven't read it.)

A couple of years ago I saw a play called "Stones in His Pockets." It was pretty amazing. It had a cast of two actors playing roughly 15 characters switching genders and accents and was generally hilarious. But it wasn't strictly a comedy. I forget the details, but in the course of the play a boy commits suicide and other generally terrible stuff happens. If it were real life, the events would dictate a black tragedy. But the town decides to make the story into a movie, and through the movie of it, they are able to make it a positive experience. Sorry that's a terrible summary of the play. But what I felt the point was is that art is necessary to make sense of life. Art is necessary to make life--a generally depressing and mundane affair--wonderful.

I felt a bit of that them with Atonement. A girl commits a terrible sin--falsely accusing someone of rape--and based on her sin an innocent man (her sister's love, no less) is sent to prison and to war where he will die. Her sister, estranged from her based on her sin, will also die before she can make amends. So the girl spends the rest of her life wallowing in her guilt, trying to make her atonement by writing it, exposing the guilty parties and giving the two doomed lovers a place of happiness. I continued the conversation I had in my head after I watched Stones; can art be a means of atonement? Can art, with it's Greek catharsis, assuage guilt by making sense of it? I'm not sure I have an answer, but I enjoyed thinking about it.



So, I discovered that far too few of the books I enjoy reading are available in audio format. Generally bestsellers get made into books on tape, but while I certainly enjoy some bestsellers, I have very little interest in the autobiography of Barbara Walters. Or even less, Maureen McCormick. Which leaves me with a whole lot of nonfiction. That's okay, there's plenty of nonfiction I've been meaning to get around to for years.

Michael Pollan BLOWS MY MIND. He outlines the history of four domesticated plants--the apple, the tulip, marijuana, and the potato, and examines how these plants have flourished by capitalizing on human desires for sweetness, beauty, intoxication, and control. I liked it because one of my pet theories of life is self-mastery, or as I like to say it, putting my spirit in charge of my body. He constantly referred to the human desire to revel in carnal pleasure (he referred to Nietzsche and called it the Dionysian tendencies) and the human impulse to organize and master those pleasures (what Nietzsche called the Apollonian tendencies). In any case, I had never thought about how plants play with and exploit those desires and how humanity reacts by organizing (domesticating) nature.

See what I mean? BLOWS YOUR MIND.

Walk Like a Man