Don't You Hate When You See This Message on People's Blogs? Me too.

One of my mother's greatest talents is that she believes her children are very smart. This doesn't necessarily mean they are very smart. But she is certain that her children are more intelligent than all the other children. As a child, I trusted her, which meant I believed I was very smart, too. And somehow, whether it was due to my own ability or the confidence in my ability bestowed to me by my mother, I did well in school.

Similarly, my mom has always known I was an excellent writer. I remember once in high school lying on my bed reading a book--probably A Tree Grows in Brooklyn or Dicey's Song--and hearing my mom shout up a flight of stairs, "LAURA!! Come downstairs IMMEDIATELY!!!" I raced down the stairs, panicked that her office was on fire, or that the computer had exploded, or, at the very least, she had run out of Diet Dr. Pepper. "What!?" I exclaimed bursting into the basement. "You're going to win Reflections!" she announced, joyfully handing me the entry form.

I did win the Reflections contest.

But I'm not sure that I loved writing. I just believed my mom that I was good at it. My best friend Shelley spent hours chronicling her thoughts, her feelings flowing through images that leave me pondering them fifteen years later. (She still does.) Shelley loved to write. I envied her. I didn't love to write. My mom just knew I was good at it. Something felt a little false, rang a little hollow. My writing was a breach of integrity.

In college I grew satisfied with my writing. I still sent essays to my mom--academic essays balanced with logos, pathos, and ethos so that I could convince my audience of the correctness of my argument, that Mrs. Freake and Baby Mary was fraught with Puritan propaganda, or that the fine arts museum was truly the best place to display Navajo baskets. I hated gutting through a five, ten, twenty-page essay, but in the end I felt what my mom felt, that I had written well. And that, though it wasn't quite as honest as loving writing, was something I could be proud of.

This blog, this little space I've carved out in the internet world, has made an honest woman out of me. I still write for my mom, because sometimes I need to believe that I'm an excellent writer, better than all the other internet writers, though I don't think that's true. But now I write for a whole host of people. I write for Chelle, a tangential turned good friend who I know mostly through writing. If I run into her at the store tomorrow, I will smile and we will say hi, but on our blogs, we share with each other whatever ideas are taking up space in our heads. I write for my cousin Kari, who was my older and elegant relation who I didn't really know, but admired. But through our blogs, I feel she knows me better now, and now I know her. I write for that unnamed guy I went out with a couple times in college who I wonder from time to time how he's doing, and think that if he wonders from time to time how I'm doing, he can find out here. I write for people I know. I write for people I little know. I write for people I don't know at all.

This blog has made me love to write.

Tyler is going to be a principal this fall. (Insert celebratory band music here.) With all the recent education on the news, we've started to realize that he's now a public figure. As brother-in-law Scott R. pointed out, a perusal of our recent blog posts could yield mild child pornography, a tribute to guy love, me filming while driving, and a whole bunch of rather personal stuff that probably shouldn't be made known to the public at large. So despite my desires to the contrary, we're making this blog private.

I know I flatter myself by thinking that there are actually people who read this blog. But if you do read this blog, I'd love for you to continue reading this blog. If you are Chelle, Kari, or the guy I went on a couple dates with in college, let me know. If you are one of those people I know, one of those people I little know, or one of those people I don't know at all, I'd love to still share my thoughts. Either leave your name and email address attached to this post, or if you feel uncomfortable publishing your email address on the world wide web, send me an email at lauraphowe@gmail.com.

And if you're my mom, I'll add you, too. Because I still need to believe I'm a good writer.